Tuesday, December 30, 2014

(Your readers should probably) Ragequit

Well I really shouldn't rage quit on just number 2. And I didn't even get to my review. Ok, Tom Cruise, you're up. Too big and complex a topic for me to really review. And I don't really believe in reviewing people, but I don't really know you so it's kind of a junk review anyways but I needed something, so, Tom. I think you can make some really good movies. Edge of Tomorrow (or Live, Die, Repeat, or whatever they're trying to rebrand the movie! "REBRAND" IS A WORD! ... so is OK, I guess you want me to capitalize "O" and "K"), Minority Report (also supposedly the name of the show that's replacing my beloved Stephie Colbert "steve-ee col-burt"), uh... some other movies that are science fictiony I'm sure (I wasn't a terrible fan of Oblivion, a lot of it looked cool, but there were some kind of silly mistakes in that film that kept me from enjoying it, something about how one character didn't quite interact well with another, or was, I'll have to watch it again, whatever). I like the majority of your movies, and really like a those two sci-fi movies I previously mentioned. I don't understand Scientology, and I think that's a major criticism, of the person and not really the actor, and sometimes people can or can't watch something because they can't separate the actor from the act. As in sure that guy on the screen can act but he totally knifed some people or something, I heard it from some guy, writing a blog, totally 100% reliable source).

This is probably one of the worst reviews ever. Tom, I like your films, I don't understand some of your decisions. That's not for me to understand, you don't have to understand any of mine and really why should I be scrutinizing you anyways, you and the first girl to play Christian Bale's Batman's girlfriend (Katie Holmes), had some weird tabloid romance then crazy thing. I probably shouldn't be looking towards the tabloids as a reliable source of info anyways (good lordika, why did I choose Tom Cruise for my first review?). I think I got it from the TV though. It was on. I don't know. I haven't heard anything since. Blah blah blah. Tom Tom Tom Tom. Please keep making cool Sci-Fi movies!

Synopsis: Tom Cruise = Good movies mostly, and some stuff happened that I probably shouldn't care about (unless he does start knifing people, or something, this is such a stupid review)

Dear Tom, I know you're busy making movies that I enjoy. If you have a minute I would ask that you please don't knife anyone, unless they are a terrorist or something. That'd be greeeeeaaaaaaat. You're probably wondering why I'd even say something like that to you. Well I wanted to start a blog you see, and then things happened, and here we are meeting hypothetical Tom Cruise, for some reason you're dressed all in black like this was Mission Impossible 2 (specifically the goofy clip with Ben Stiller as your stunt double! Hi, Ben! Please don't knife anyone, unless you have to either!).

We have fun here in Pete's brain. Celebrities always stopping by and me asking them to not do things they probably already know not to do. You know, just like a normal person's brain things. Probably. Mind grapes.

Mind. Grapes.

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